bus

So coming back to nyc yesterday I took what is known as the Chinatown Bus. It was a privately owned bus company that is supposedly not as nice as Greyhound but considerably cheaper. I've never seen such disorganization for public transportation ever. Instead of picking you up at a bus station this bus comes across the street from the greyhound station and picks you up from a dirt mound. There was about 50 people waiting for buses which is understandable seeing that it was 4th of July weekend.

Then when the bus came the driver thought it would be a smart idea to park across the street at a gas station instead of where they should pick us up, so that there was a mad dash of about 30 people running towards this bus. There was mass confusion as people who did not have a ticket for this bus were attempting to get on and some who even had tickets printed out and ready to go weren't able to get on due to overbooking. After sorting all of this out I was able to get on to the bus and had to find a seat in the very back as it was mostly full from DC. Ofcourse when you sit in the back of the bus Rosa Parks style you are greeted with the fresh warm smell of urine from the nearby bathroom.

I got a window seat hoping that luck would be on my side and I could get a nice skinny attractive female to sit next to me leaving me with plenty of space and leg room. Well of course this was not to be the case as I was soon joined by a big black man who had to lower the arm rest just to fit into the seat. He then proceeded to consecutivley peel and eat oranges which replaced the urine odor with an overwhelming stench of orange juice left out for a while on a hot summer day.

We were supposed to depart for NYC at 3:50 after all of this we ended up pulling out at 4:20. After 2 hours of traffic just to get to delaware I figured I could take a chance to get some shut eye. Well right as I am drifting off to dream world I hear a loud noise of static. Waking up startled thinking we're about to reenact a scene from Cloverfield I was surprised to see they had turned on the tv's on the bus and were about to start a movie. "Great!" I thought, a movie to help ease the pain of this long arudous ride, just what I needed. Well the movie was the cinematic masterpiece we know as "Rush Hour 3." If anyone has seen this movie I feel your pain, if you have not consider yourself blessed. Quite possibly one of the worst movies produced in the last 5 years, right there with Ghost Ship. Well of course when youre in the back of a bus with a heavy african american population and chris tucker is on the screen you know youre in for some hooting and hollering. You would have thought George Carlin had came back from the dead to do an hour of stand up. They was more clapping and slapping their knee at jokes that you could see a mile away not to mention the occassional "oh no he didn't" and "kick that 'n-word's' ass Jackie!"

2 hours later Rush Hour was over and it was time to stop at the local rest stop on the NJ Turnpike where there was a line around the corner just to use the bathroom. There are few grosser places than a reststop urinal on a holiday weekend. So long story short, after 6 hellacious hours I was finally able to get home where it was time to look forward to a long week of work. If you ever are considering a bus trip to NYC, I'd rather advise that grab a rope, make a noose and look for the nearest tree branch instead.